FINDING A HAPPY THOUGHT

Written by Paul Gibbs

Like so many other people, I was devastated by the death of beloved comedian/actor Robin Williams. I felt a very personal connection to his work, and it was very much like losing an old friend. This was especially true because, while as we know Williams suffered from depression, his work was crucial to helping me control my own depression. I was diagnosed with clinical depression 20 years ago, though I don't generally talk about it. Williams' performance as Peter Pan in Steven Spielberg's Hook is something I draw upon to battle depression by looking for a "Happy Thought" (my brother even brought a Hook poster to hang in my hospital room after my surgeries). I even imagine myself as Williams when using this technique. In and of itself this wouldn't be enough to keep me going, but it has helped me through some very dark and difficult times, and it will continue to do so. I'll always carry that with me, and I'll always be incredibly grateful to Robin Williams and Peter Pan for helping me fight my depression. I wish he knew what he did for me. That there was some way I could tell him.

Like any other illness, depression and other mental illnesses require proper care and treatment. At times I've gone untreated because I didn't have insurance and the medications aren't cheap. And at times I've resisted the medications due to the stigma associated with them. I've often been afraid to tell my closest friends about my depression, and sometimes when I did I ended up really wishing I hadn't. So I resisted taking the medicines that could prevent me from feeling utterly hopeless and unable to deal with life. I hate it when people refer to them as "happy pills". They don't make you happy. They don't even stop you from feeling sad. At no point have I ever experienced any of the numbness or loss of feeling I hear some people attribute to these medicines, and I tend to be a lot more creative when I am taking them and my depression isn't getting the best of me.

 I also suffer from agoraphobia and panic disorder. These first developed from the my extensive experience with surgeries and other medical issues in my early childhood. While those issues are largely under control, I still tend to have inexplicable feelings of dread about leaving my house every morning. This one is harder to talk about than depression, because even fewer people understand it.

Now, imagine mixing the stigma against mental illness with the stigma against being poor and needing help. Mental illness and substance abuse are among the most common issues facing people in Utah's coverage gap, and without Healthy Utah,  according to Mayor Ben McAdmas and the county council,  Utah Salt Lake County will no longer be able to provide help for roughly 3,200 people. For these people, just being able to get treatment is their happy thought. I keep seeing people telling those who need help to ask for it. How can they ask for help that isn't there? We've just seen how hard these illnesses can hit someone who does have the resources to seek help. I'm horrified to imagine how someone with no resources would try to fight them.

It's usp to us to help these people by making Healthy Utah happen. As Robin Williams said himself,  "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."